Courtesy Everett Collection
I matched with Daddy Steve on Feeld, a non-judgmental dating app for people interested in non-monogamous relationships and kinks. Steve was explicit about negotiating BDSM, which also made me feel safe. The first time we played together, I tried to relax and embrace my inner ‘babygirl’.
Daddy gave me several spankings (one for each minute I was late), then tied me up and used a vibrator on me before penetrating me (still in ropes). I rarely orgasm, thanks to decades of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) for anxiety, which often have the side effect of anorgasmia. With my Daddy, I orgasmed four times.
Afterwards, I cried. I felt bad that I liked it so much. Like Romy in Babygirl, I didn’t want to find so much pleasure in being a babygirl. I felt like a bad feminist for relishing the childlike role I took with my Daddy. Many people experience strong emotions after BDSM play, which is why aftercare (cuddling, comfort, and any behaviour that helps you process and recover) is so important.
My Daddy, who is 12 years younger than me, made it easier for me to enjoy sex. People-pleasing tendencies overwhelm me during traditional sex, but having a Dom takes these thoughts away. It’s difficult to wonder if you’re doing the right thing when you’re tied up and can’t do anything! I didn’t have to worry that I should be doing something else to please my partner. Because I trusted my Daddy to do what he wanted, I could let go of my anxious thoughts and enjoy the ride.
With both Dave and Steve I can be uniquely vulnerable. Where Dave bolsters me and helps me to be strong, Daddy Steve allows me to be undeniably pathetic. Dave slaps me on the ass and fires me up for roller derby bouts (a sport I never would’ve tried without his support), and Daddy Steve lets me pout and cry when my tummy hurts, and I just want to suck his thumb.
Having a safe place to be needy is incredibly powerful. Most of the men I’ve dated did not want to be a caregiver or decision-makers. In the early 2000s, “needy” was a dirty word to call women in relationships. But with my Doms, I’m allowed to be needy. In fact, it’s relished. Each is uniquely positioned to take charge when I need it. I’m far from always a babygirl, but like Babygirl’s Romy, I do need spaces to be one.
