Let me share something I hear almost weekly: “Jacqueline, I know networking is important, but I hate small talk. It feels so artificial or forced. I’d rather stay at home and not worry about schmoozing with my colleagues and coworkers.”
I completely understand this sentiment. After 26 years of coaching professionals, I’ve met countless talented individuals who view networking events with the same enthusiasm they’d reserve for a root canal.
The good news? This mindset is entirely changeable, and the shift can transform not just your career trajectory, but your entire approach to professional relationships.
Here’s the truth: networking isn’t about what others can do for you. It’s about genuine human connection, mutual support, and creating opportunities for everyone involved. When we reframe our thinking, these events become less about what we can get and more about what we can give, and that makes all the difference.
Why We Resist Networking (And Why That’s Normal)
First, your skepticism is completely natural. Many of us were raised to believe that self-promotion feels uncomfortable or even unseemly. We worry about appearing pushy, inauthentic, or opportunistic. Some of us are introverts who find large gatherings genuinely draining. Others have attended poorly organized events that felt more like cattle calls than meaningful gatherings.
But here’s what I’ve learned: when we approach networking with genuine curiosity about others rather than anxiety about ourselves, everything changes.
Instead of walking into a room thinking, “I hope I don’t say something stupid,” we can enter with the mindset of, “I’m looking forward to meeting some interesting people today.”
Seven Strategies to Transform Your Networking Experience
1. Redefine Success Before You Arrive
Stop measuring networking success by the number of hands you shake or business cards you collect. Instead, set a simple, achievable goal: have one meaningful conversation. Maybe you’ll learn something new about an industry trend, discover a fascinating hobby someone pursues, or simply make someone else feel heard and valued. That’s a win worth celebrating.
2. Become a Professional Connector
Shift your focus from “What can I get?” to “How can I help?” When you meet someone facing a challenge you can’t solve, think about who in your network might be able to assist. Introducing two people who could benefit from knowing each other positions you as a valuable connector and people remember those who add value to their lives.
3. Prepare Conversation Starters That Feel Natural
Instead of rehearsing your elevator pitch, prepare genuine questions that invite interesting responses. Try: “What’s the most exciting project you’re working on right now?” or “What trends are you seeing in your industry?” These questions shift attention to the other person while giving you fascinating insights into their world.
4. Set a Curiosity Intention
Before entering any networking event, remind yourself that every person you meet has a unique story, expertise, or perspective you’ve never encountered. Approach conversations like a friendly journalist and be genuinely curious about what makes others tick. This mindset transforms small talk into meaningful dialogue.
5. Plan Your Recovery Time
If you’re an introvert, don’t fight your nature, plan around it. Schedule downtime after networking events. Know that you might need to recharge, and that’s perfectly okay. Networking is not a numbers game.
6. Focus on Learning, Not Selling
Attend events with a student’s mindset rather than a salesperson’s agenda. What can you learn about industry developments, new approaches to common challenges, or innovative solutions others have discovered? When learning becomes your primary goal, the pressure to perform disappears.
7. Follow Up with Generosity
The real magic of networking happens after the event. Send a thoughtful follow-up message via LinkedIn or email that references your conversation and offers something valuable. You might think about sending a relevant article, a useful contact, or simply a genuine “thank you for sharing your insights.” This approach builds relationships rather than just expanding contact lists.
The Mindset That Changes Everything
Remember, the goal of networking isn’t to become someone you’re not, it’s to become the most authentic, generous version of yourself. When you focus on genuine connection over strategic positioning, networking stops feeling like work and starts feeling like the valuable relationship-building it’s meant to be.
Your next networking event isn’t a challenge to survive, it’s an opportunity to discover something new, help someone else, and maybe even surprise yourself with how naturally connection can unfold.
