We’ve all been in a situation where someone we know has lost a loved one or is walking through a tragedy—we want to show our support but are not sure how, and are afraid of saying, or doing, the wrong thing. Here are some thoughtful ways to “show up” for your loved ones when their world feels unbearably hard.
Just Show Up
Whether it’s a call, a voice memo, a text, or a visit, do something from the heart. We often freeze up because we are unsure how to reach out and afraid to bother them or say the wrong thing. Your presence is better than the perfect word.
What to Say
Reassure your loved one of your presence and willingness to be a support: “I’m here. I’m so sorry. I will hold you up and be here for as long as you need me.” There is nothing you can do to make the pain go away, but sincere words of support go a long way in comforting a loved one.
Avoid Cliché’s
While they are meant to be encouraging, hearing their loss was somehow a part of “God’s plan,” that they are “in a better place,” or anything similar feels somehow dismissive, or trivial when someone is experiencing great pain.
Be Specific With Your Help
Being specific with your help saves them energy from having to think about how you can help. For example, “I am bringing over a hot lunch tomorrow,” or I am creating a food chain for your friends to support you during this time.” Offer to take the kids to their activities, or make specific suggestions they can choose from to reduce the mental load. Other areas where they may welcome support include housework or yardwork, paperwork, phone calls, pet care, and errands.
Encourage Them to Feel Comfortable to Grieve
Do not try to make it better for them by redirecting the conversation. Allow them to talk, sit silently, cry, reminisce, or do whatever they want to help themselves through this difficult time. Encouraging them to speak honestly, and listening as you show your support will help immensely.
Send a Thoughtful Note
A handwritten letter or note card, with a special memory enclosed, will be a lasting keepsake. They may not be able to read your message right away, but your note will be there for comfort in the months and years to come.
Don’t Forget Special Dates on the Calendar
As time goes by, and people get back to their routine, making an effort to reach out consistently, and remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and other special dates will be a loving and helpful reminder to your loved one.
Continue to Let Them Know They Are Not Alone
Do not stop asking your loved one out to dinner, the movies, lunch, or coffee. A walk or a card night, anything that will help your loved one feel not so isolated and alone is helpful and welcome.
You may also like Compassion in Crisis: Showing Love and Support During a Tragedy.
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The post Being There: Gentle Ways to Help Through Grief or Crisis appeared first on Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority.
