Ina Garten is a dinner party hosting icon. Her taste is impeccable, and her hospitality skills have made the TV-cook world famous. That’s why when she gives advice on how to serve a strawberry shortcake or what not to bring to a dinner party, we are listening. Naturally, when Graten revealed her guiding principle for dinner party invitations, we paid attention. “I have a rule: I never accept an invitation if I don’t want to invite somebody back,” Garten told Esquire.
According to Garten, you should never invite anyone because you feel obliged, and she is right! Fewer things are more uncomfortable than extending an invitation to someone whose company you don’t enjoy, and on the flip side, no one wants to go to a dinner party if the invitation wasn’t genuine. Graten is full of hosting wisdom, and her dinner party mantra is definitely worth remembering. “A dinner party is not an opportunity to impress people. It’s an opportunity to make people feel good,” Garten told Esquire. With that in mind, if you are hosting an event with people you care about, it’s important to remember that their lasting impression will be based on how you greeted them and how welcome they felt at the event, and not whether you used cloth or paper napkins.
What you should always do when you receive an invitation
Traditionally, the unspoken rule of dinner party etiquette has been to reciprocate invitations. Hosts usually extend an invitation to those who have previously welcomed them into their home. However, Garten’s perspective makes sense when creating an event where all guests feel warmth and are not invited based on antiquated dinner party rules.
Lisa Mirza Grotts, an etiquette expert, says there is never an obligation to accept a dinner party invitation. “If your connection to the person is insincere, why would you want to break bread in their home?” says Grotts. “Life isn’t a scorecard, but reciprocity is part of good manners. If you know in your heart you won’t extend an invitation in return, you should not say yes.” However, Grotts has one important rule: “You are obligated to RSVP—yes or no, always!” To every host, that makes perfect sense. There is nothing worse than chasing someone down for a response. It can feel awkward and inconsiderate when a host is left uncertain about how much food to prepare or whether to leave an extra seat at the table.
