Image Source: leikapro; “A company of good-looking friends is laughing.”, 2024. Accessed via Standard License.Both giving and receiving compliments can feel awkward or uncomfortable. Yet, a genuine compliment can brighten someone’s day and strengthen relationships. We’ll explore the delicate art of complimenting others and graciously accepting praise—skills that enhance our social connections and personal wellbeing.
Why Compliments Matter
Compliments serve as more than just pleasantries; they’re powerful social tools that:
- Boost confidence and self-esteem
- Reinforce positive behaviors
- Create connection between people
- Foster a culture of appreciation
- Improve workplace and personal relationships
Despite these benefits, many of us struggle with the compliment exchange. dSome find it difficult to accept praise without deflection, while others worry their compliments might come across as insincere, inappropriate, or even creepy. The good news is that these skills can be learned.
Research in positive psychology shows that both giving and receiving compliments triggers the release of dopamine and oxytocin—neurotransmitters associated with pleasure and bonding. This creates a “positivity loop” where both parties experience uplift from the exchange.
A study from the National Institute for Physiological Sciences found that receiving a compliment activates the same reward centers in the brain as receiving money. This explains why meaningful praise can be so powerful in building relationships and motivating others.
How to Give a Meaningful Compliment
Be Specific and Authentic
Generic praise like “good job” or “you look nice” lacks impact. Instead, notice particular details:
“I was impressed by how you handled that difficult customer with such patience.”
“That color really brings out the blue in your eyes.”
Specificity signals genuine observation and appreciation rather than social obligation.
Focus on Effort and Choices, Not Just Natural Traits
Complimenting someone on qualities they’ve worked to develop carries more weight than praising inherent characteristics:
“Your presentation showed how thoroughly you researched the topic” is more meaningful than “You’re so smart.”
“I admire how you’ve dedicated yourself to learning Spanish” resonates more than “You have a gift for languages.”
Consider the Context and Relationship
What’s appropriate varies greatly depending on your relationship and setting. Workplace compliments should generally focus on professional achievements and attributes, while closer relationships allow for more personal observations.
A good rule: if you wouldn’t want someone overhearing your compliment, it might be too intimate or inappropriate for the context.
Avoid Hidden Agendas
Compliments should be given freely, not as manipulation or with expectation of reciprocation. People can sense when praise comes with strings attached, which diminishes its value and can damage trust.
Be Mindful of Power Dynamics
When complimenting someone in a subordinate position, be extra careful that your praise cannot be misinterpreted as inappropriate or as creating obligation. Focus on specific achievements rather than personal attributes.
The Art of Accepting Compliments Gracefully
Overcome the Deflection Reflex
Many people instinctively deflect compliments with:
- Self-deprecation (“This old thing? I got it on clearance.”)
- Disbelief (“Really? I thought I messed up.”)
- Immediate reciprocation (“No, YOU’RE the amazing one!”)
While sometimes culturally reinforced, these responses can inadvertently diminish the compliment-giver’s perception and create awkwardness.
Practice the Simple “Thank You”
The most straightforward response to a compliment is often the best: a simple, sincere “Thank you.” This acknowledges the compliment and honors the giver’s perspective without diminishing your own worth.
For added warmth, you might briefly acknowledge the specific point: “Thank you, I really worked hard on that presentation.”
Allow Yourself to Feel the Positivity
Permit yourself to truly receive the positive feedback. Rather than immediately dismissing the compliment internally, take a moment to absorb it. This practice can gradually improve your self-perception.
Recognize Cultural Differences
In some cultures, modesty dictates downplaying compliments. If this is your background, recognize that in many Western contexts, accepting compliments is considered appropriate and polite. Adapting to different cultural norms around compliments can enhance cross-cultural communication.
Common Compliment Pitfalls to Avoid
The Backhanded Compliment
“You’re so articulate” (implying surprise at someone’s eloquence)
“You look great for your age” (the “for your age” qualifier undermines the praise)
These create more harm than good and should be avoided entirely.
The Comparison Compliment
“You’re much better at this than your colleague”
“You’re the pretty one in your family”
Praise that elevates one person by diminishing others isn’t truly positive and can create uncomfortable dynamics.
Excessive or Insincere Praise
Over-the-top compliments or constant flattery often comes across as disingenuous. Authenticity matters more than frequency or intensity.
Final Thoughts
Mastering the art of giving and receiving compliments enriches our social fabric. By offering sincere, specific praise and accepting compliments with grace, we create positive connections with others and ourselves.
Remember that like any social skill, practice makes perfect. Challenge yourself to give one genuine compliment daily and to accept praise with a simple “thank you.” Over time, these exchanges will become more natural, creating ripples of positivity in your relationships and communities.
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